It’s almost a year since you’ve left us but it feels you are still around.
Every time I am in trouble in my new workload it seems you are still there guiding me. I can feel it or is it?
Sometimes I catch myself in a dilemma in composing/writing justifications on a subject matter. But suddenly as if someone is tuning in my mind to use this or that material to be my guide or reference.
And that reminds me of you when you were still around. You always had that ready and in no doubt opinion/judgment/view in every issue I brought up. I always saluted you for that. Whenever I need your advise/assistance you readily answered and was always available.. Thru texting or calling did not matter to you. I always got an answer anyway, anywhere at anytime.
That’s what I miss the most of you. Even if sometimes I got scolded by you (for the nonsense argument I put forward on our discussions, you went through with me. (sighs)
I recall the last time we had a conversation heart to heart and somewhat personal, you had given me that brotherly yet bossy advise. You were less than a decade younger than me but I admired the way you talked to me.
But there’s one thing I did not agree with you – the way you deal with your physical health. You were abusive. In as much as I wanted you to live your life healthily, you kept on practicing your bad health habits.
It’s just now that I realized what you were going through. I could not imagine how you faced it all by yourself! I could not imagine why you let those things happen when in fact, you could have done something instead of inflicting harm on yourself.
It’s now that I realized that you were the one who needs someone who can kept a secret and stand by you. It’s you that needed help and counselling. It’s you that needed upliftment spiritually and emotionally.
Now, all I can do is sigh…sigh …sigh…and think of the many ONLY IFS…