My then partner who was the biological father of my three daughters blatantly said he’ll be leaving us. He called it quits just like that. Without explanations. Without any argument that existed or any fight occurred between us prior to this event. I can still vividly recall what had happened at that moment. That one memorable afternoon, he arrived home, drunk and called it quits. He said he can’t no longer live with me around. That I was so irresponsible. He said he had enough of me. Said he can’t take me anymore. That I was arrogant he wanted to slap me (and in fact he almost did). I was half surprised by this sudden reaction and I can’t think of anything to say. It caught me off-guarded.
I had mixed emotions then. How dare he had spoken such things in front of my children. Of being irresponsible, where all I know was that I was the one who acted as a bread-winner since we lived together. I can still recall exactly what he said “I have no capacity as to how to feed you so you must work and earn a living”. I was disgusted upon hearing this from him so I was forced to find a job because our first child was born. I had no option and had no time for regrets then for taking him to father my child. I just can’t leave him that time because of my child and didn’t even think to argue with him. All I was thinking that maybe he’ll realized what he said was wrong. I was thinking that maybe the day will come he’ll realized to be a good provider to his family. From that time onwards, I had to do all what he ought to do and despite of that, I still had to do the functions of a housewife. I washed the clothes, clean the house, babysitting for my child, did the cooking and all that.
Then I was pregnant by my second child and he has not changed. Much worst now because he has learned to flirt to women and gamble hard. When he finally finds a job and a wage earner, he made my life more difficult. He always came home late and drunk and shouted and cursed me from head to foot without any reason. He even degraded my parents whenever they came to our house for a visit. He became more unpleasant to my siblings. Worst, he won’t even allow us to visit my parents and siblings or won’t even gave us his consent to attend special family occasions such Christmas, reunions nor birthdays.
I had obeyed and somehow submit to him because I wanted to preserve that marriage because of my children and I was also hoping that he’d changed his outlooks. I refused to fight him back because I didn’t want my children to be affected at any rate. When my third child came, it was then that I realized it was high time for me to fight back and make even to his wrong treatment to me and his children. At this stage, whenever he came home drunk with nothing in his pocket (cause he lost it all in tong-its) and berates me, I refused to shout back and I also refused to speak to him. All I did was to decline any conversation with him and it would count into months. I started to treat him as a stranger whenever he was inside our house.
During this time, my senses came back and thought that it was enough. I had been submitting to him in spite the fact that I was the main earner of the family and at the same has fathered and mothered his children. He has no role in his family ever since. He was inutile in its strict sense. It was at this time that he was becoming more abusive. He has deprived me of being a woman. He has deprived me of being a wife. He has deprived me of being a human. I wanted to have a break. I wanted him to be out of my life. I wanted to gain back myself. I wanted me of being me.
So when he declared quits, I was in mixed emotions. I could not think of any particular feelings that moment. I wanted to jump out of joy. I wanted to shout that “at last, I am free”. I wanted to cry out of glee for at last, I will regain myself and will have a life I always dreamt of. At last, no more chains. No more shouting. No more berating.
And that was thirteen years ago exactly today…