I am sad. I am afraid. I fear of losing. I am in the state of uncertainty. Yet on top of all that, I am fulfilled.
I am sad because all my kids are grown-ups now. My first three kids have their own family now and lived far from me. My youngest who is turning nine this year, is also fast growing. She’ll be graduating in grade school sooner as I think. I am sad because I could not hug them, kiss them and even brag them whenever they did wrong things at any time I wished to. I am sad because sooner or later, I’ll be living all by myself. Back to basic, as they say.
I am afraid because of my grand children’s future. Life is so hard now. Our economic system is getting worse and I cannot see any positive possibilities on this matter. Oil price keeps on increasing (almost) daily which in effect, basic commodities’ price also increases. Wages is stagnant which makes daily wage earners’ life more difficult. Nothing our government can do any solution. Or more right to say that our government does not lift a finger to upgrade this. On top of this, is the climate change our world is on to. There is also the issue of global warming. Oh, my!
At this point, I have this feeling of uncertainty. Uncertainty for my life, of growing old. Of facing life on my own (again). Facing the sunset(ting) of my life on my own.
But I feel fulfilled. Fulfilled because I was able to do the things I should do (especially the obligation I had for my children). Fulfilled because I had lived my life to the fullest. I had my share of life’s sweetness and bitterness. Life has been good to me. Though my first marriage did not work, I was given another chance. For this, I would like to offer my warm and heartfelt gratitude to the man who unselfishly (and willingly) shared my (beautiful) life. Thanks to God for giving me the endurance in facing challenges life has given me. Thanks to Him for giving me children truly to be proud of!